Die Without Being Born
by From Her Ashes
Summary: Little prose piece about the darker side of the relationships in the series. Written for a challenge list.


Die Without Being Born 

                             By Deathswings

((Yes, I am implying some relationship stuff that does not occur in the series- with particular liberties placed on Shiori and Juri's relationship.  Yes, I left out a verse, and Miki and Kozue… but it just wasn't happening for me.  Part of the challenge of this fic was to write each part in a different manner than the rest.  The song is "Sick and Beautiful" by Artificial Joy Club.  I don't own anyone.))

_All the world's your ashtray_

_I'm just your Marlboro_

_Light me up and butt me_

_You're sick and beautiful_

_Hey hey hey_

_You're sick and you're beautiful_

_Hey hey hey_

            The little boy walked along the street, lost in thought.  This was a rare occurrence, for his waking hours were mostly spent thinking about how to please his princess better, and how to keep her by his side.  The silly pink haired girl was looking for her prince in that castle above, whereas Nanami only had to look beside her, and there he was.  Nanami should be happy she was so lucky, after all there was her devoted prince, right beside her.  But Nanami was never happy with him- never.  She only had eyes for her own brother, an attraction which, young though he was, the little boy understood better than Nanami herself.  

            And then he saw her, glowing like a star as she rounded the corner, surrounded by her loyal friends.  His entire face lit up as she did, his purpose for existing once again coming into view.  

            "Nanami-sama!  Let me get your books for you, Nanami-sama."

            "Here," she dropped the books into his hands, then turned to see a familiar flash of red hair, "Big brother!  Big brother wait for me!" and she was gone.

            The little boy smiled and started the half a mile walk with his princess's satchel.  He'd do anything for her… anything…

_It's Bambi meets Godzilla_

_A 3D free for all_

_Set me up, then stomp me_

_You're sick and beautiful_

_You're sick and you're beautiful_

_Squeeze me like your lemon_

_Then mix with alcohol_

Shake me hard then down me 

_You're sick and beautiful_

Dear Diary,

            I can hardly believe what's been happening the past few weeks.  Do you remember when I wrote and said that Saounji-sama had been expelled?  Well, you'll never guess what happened.  I found him wandering outside the Academy and I smuggled him back into my room!  Saounji- former Vice President of the Student Council and captain of the Kendo team, Saounji- the man who almost all the girls on campus drool over, is staying in my room!  Me!  Little, ordinary Wakaba.  I haven't had time to write, I've been so busy taking care of him and making sure he's all right.  My friends say that I've really started to glow recently- even Utena noticed it today.  She said I looked much more beautiful than normal.  And I do.  I feel it inside me.  There's a part of me coming out that I never knew existed before- a part of me I want to see bloom like a flower.

            And yet… I know this springtime in my spirit is only temporary.  Saounji mentioned her today… Anthy Hinemia.  It's her he really loves, not me.  I'm not like all those special people, and I never will be.  Please Saounji… if only you'd be mine, I could sparkle like the stars in the sky.  You could do whatever you wanted to with me- hit me like you do that Anthy girl.  I'd let you.   I'd put up with that if you'd love me, Saounji, you know I would.  Just stay a few more days… please…

            Give me a chance to shine a little while longer…

_You're gravy with gasoline_

_And wicked with whipping cream_

_I need a quick fix_

I'm flashing like an instamatic 

_Crusted like a worn out penthouse_

Your junk is habitual 

_You're sick and you're beautiful_

            The door opens.

            It pours light into the darkened room.

            In the light stands a girl with short red hair.

            She is laughing.

            "It hurt, didn't it, when I went away with him."

            "Yes.  Why are you here Shiori?  You found the locket.  You know the truth now.  Why do you come here?"

"Maybe because I want to see how far you've fallen.  Proud Juri.  Reduced to tears over some girl.  It amuses me to come here.  It amuses me to see you in ruins.  Do you hate me, Juri?"

            "No, Shiori.  I don't hate you."

            "You are all the more pathetic for it, you know that?  I hate you.  It makes me sick to think that such a weak woman looks at me the way you do."

            The one with curls bows her head.

            Her hand clenches around a locket.

            "Hate me, Juri.  Hate me."

            The door closes.

            The blackness returns to the room.

            Inside stands a girl with red hair.

            She is laughing.

            "Hate me, Juri.  After tonight, you will."

            The curtains are open.

            Sunlight pours into the room.

            The girl with red hair is gone.

            The pillow is warm with her laughter.

_Bounce me hard and dunk me_

I'm just your basketball 

_Lay me up then heave-ho_

_You're sick and beautiful_

_Peel my bandage slowly_

_It's psychological_

Tenjou Utena… she has a face that 

haunts my dreams at night.

Each night.  Each day, the mere thought of her sends my heart

racing as though to catch something it knows it cannot

ever reach.  This is 

vastly different from how I normally would

operate, but it has been said many times that

love does some strange things to people.

Undoubtedly this is true, but when I

think of how I burn for her, how 

I long for her touch, her

openness… the feel of her hair, her smile…

No.  To think this way is madness.

Opera glasses to nose, I watch her as she

fights the latest challenger.  Even now she retains

the beauty and grace she posses despite 

her tomboyish attitude. 

Ends of the World has told me she is not the one we seek- but I

will put my trust in someone different from he.

Opera glasses to nose, I watch her

run across the court and score a perfect

lay-up… all the while wishing 

desperately to be a basketball, just to feel the touch of those hands.

_You're napalm with Novocain_

_A kite in a hurricane_

_I need a quick fix_

_I'm flashing like an instamatic_

_Crusted like a worn out penthouse_

_Your junk is habitual_

You're sick and you're beautiful 

            At first, I refused to believe it. 

            That Anthy- my Anthy, my dear, beloved Anthy- could possibly be such a pawn of Ends of the World.  But the truth has been shown to me; my eyes have been cleared.  The Rose Bride is but a puppet- an animatron without life or feelings of her own.  How simple it would be to discount this, and go about my life.  But what I have seen is too horrible.  She never loved me- never.  She never had any feelings for me at all, simply my own feelings reflected back at me, over and over again, in the pages of my destroyed exchange diary. 

            How could I have been so blind to the truth?  

            But I see now, oh yes, and I understand.  There is only one path I can take.  I'm going to beat Utena, and then Anthy will be mine, forever.  And I can show that pink haired brat just how much of a doll her friend really is.  Only a puppet.  She's going to pay for she's done to me.  Both of them.

_Leave me in a ditch like road kill_

_Or maybe we could switch the driver_

_Have some mercy and Kevorkian me to sleep_

_Hey hey_

_You're cockroach with cabernet_

_But taste like a Milky Way_

            I don't think I really want to go up there where I have to go because he told me to go up there but I'd rather be down here with Utena-sama not up there with him and that's the first time that's ever happened isn't it odd that it's never happened before now I don't know what I'm supposed to feel or do or anything like this elevator going up going up and I'm going down going down into hell I suppose but it's worth it isn't it wasn't it shouldn't it be I mean he doesn't hurt me quite the opposite and I love him more than anything but he's my brother there sitting on the couch and I can see just fine without my glasses thank you I'll just leave them here even if I couldn't see without them it's dark here where he's taking me down going down down down like the water in a drain in an endless spiral of darkness that I took onto myself this is my right this is what I deserve for what I have done this is take me for a ride in your car on the sofa under the stars in the place at the top of the world nearest where eternity dwells in the stars up here in the stars but they're all fake stars fake stars fake like you like the arena like me like them but not like her not like her not her she's real but you aren't real but you're the next best thing to real for me and I deserve this I deserve all this… I deserve… I deserve darkness… with fake stars… and toy cars… and there's a picture on the mantle in the other room of me and Utena-sama who's asleep now in bed and the picture in that room that I want to be in so much instead of here… that is a picture worth a thousand swords…

            "Come here, Anthy."

            "Yes, big brother…"

_I need a quick fix_

_I'm flashing like an instamatic_

_Crusted like a worn out housewife_

_Your junk is habitual_

_You're sick and you're beautiful_

            There is the chiming sound of an elevator reaching a floor, then the soft swish of the doors opening and a rather brash voice calls out,

            "Akio?  I heard there's a carnival in town- would you and Anthy like to go see it?  Akio?"

            "Hmm… a carnival…"

_Your junk is habitual_

_You're sick and you're beautiful_


End file.
